i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
