I got chris browned last night
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
