so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
