Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
