oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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