I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
