whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
