I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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