i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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