i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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