Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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