I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
