4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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