You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
