Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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