Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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