my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
