I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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