how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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