Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
