You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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