Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
