I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
