Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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