____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
