We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
