FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
