I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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