I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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