I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
