Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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