I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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