Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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