he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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