You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
