I didn't shave. On purpose
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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