I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
