I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
