I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
