all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
