Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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