whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
