its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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