no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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