I just pynch a tree in the face
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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