I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
