Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
