Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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