so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
