this boner is exhausting
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
