We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
nutella sex= disaster
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
