I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
