i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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