drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
