i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
