he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
