he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
