Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
